Remember how my single post last week was about fighting battles and how life happens? (It was a really scattered post) Well, one of those battles was lost this past weekend.
My aunt passed away.
This world lost a fun, caring, hilarious, energetic woman… a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, woman of God. And God gained another beautiful angel.
It still doesn’t seem like it’s real, ya know? When you lose a loved one, it takes a while for reality to set in. The reality of me losing an aunt hasn’t set in, but the reality of two little girls losing their mother has hit me hard. I’m tearing up (at work!) as I type these words. Two little sweeties don’t have a Mommy anymore. I can’t even imagine.
Those two little sweeties spent the weekend between Mere Mere’s house and their house, having tons of fun and not suspecting a thing was wrong with their Mommy. Friday & Saturday night during their prayers, they prayed for “Mommy who is at Duke because she had the cancer.” As I turned off the light and rolled over, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Oh, if only they knew.
It was so hard staying strong and acting as if nothing had happened. Despite the crowds of people who came to their house Saturday, they still didn’t know anything was wrong. Despite the red eyes & stuffy noses of their family members, they hadn’t a clue. Despite the piles of my aunt’s clothes waiting to be thrown out, they didn’t question her whereabouts.
Gosh, those poor girls.
When they found out about their mom yesterday, I don’t think they really understood it.
Gabrielle came running up to the back deck, hugging me extra tight and looking up into my face whispering, “My Mommy is dead.” –“I know, honey.” I responded and kissed her on the head. “When we were out there walking, I had to kill a BIG spider!” she laughed, and demonstrated its size, completely unfazed by the news her daddy just told her.
The littlest one, Autumn, did the same thing. She came over to me while we were outside playing and said, “I don’t have a Mommy anymore.” Then she ran off, without a worry.
If only they knew how hard it would be on them (and their dad) in the coming days, weeks, months & years. I can’t imagine!
Last night, when Gabby was done taking her bath, I was showing her how to towel off her hair and she said, “that’s not how Mommy does it.”
Little phrases like that were said all weekend, and they were like knives at my heart. So painful.
When Autumn was done brushing her teeth last night, I gave her a big hug and told her it was bedtime. Out of the blue, she said, “I don’t have a Mommy anymore. I’m going to cry on the steps!” I followed her and sat next to her, squeezing her so tightly, hoping that I could magically squeeze the pain of the truth away. I told her that her Mommy was in Heaven, and she could talk to her anytime she wanted to. Then she perked up, “Mommy is with Jesus?!” –“Yes sweetie, yes she is.”
This past weekend was hard. And I know it’s only going to get harder for my family.
But I know we all find solace in the fact that my aunt is in a much better place. She’s not in pain anymore, her body is healed. And although she can’t physically comfort them, I know she will be looking down on and guarding her little sweeties throughout their lives.
I really don’t know how people can go through the death of a family member without faith. I don’t understand how they can go on and survive without the reassurance that their loved one is in a better place, with the Creator of the universe. I can’t fathom how they find comfort without putting their trust in the Ultimate Comforter. Without hope.
I’m so thankful that God has another angel.
Hebrews 6:19 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Psalm 119:76 “May your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to your promise to your servant.”
John 14:27a “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.”
Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble”