Do you ever feel like something is missing?
I’ve had this feeling a lot lately. People have let me down, work has been busy as all get out, and I haven’t had time to do much of anything for myself. Oh, and I’ve really really really needed a hug. Something has been missing from my life lately and I can’t put my finger on it.
I could say it was a relationship… with a man or friends. Lately I’ve just felt like there’s so much that I don’t have in my life because I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t have a close-knit group of friends who I can turn to with any problem or request. Not that I don’t have great friends, because I do (and y’all better believe that I love you dearly!), but I feel like I’m missing out because I don’t have tight friendships like I want & need. I need people to build me up daily! I need friends who I can call up at 10pm and vent to them about a stressful day. I need friends who I can do fun, adventurous things with. I need friends who pray for me and ask me if there are specific things they can pray for. I need those strong friendships that last a lifetime.
I really feel like I’m missing out on the boyfriend front, because it seems everyone my age is married or dating someone… except me. Not that I have spare time for a man in my life, but it would be oh so nice to have someone to take me out on weekends, someone I can dress up for, and someone to open my car door and buy my meal. Someone who can give me a bear hug after a long week at work, and reassure me that things will get better, less stressful. Someone who I can be dorky and crazy around, and them not think I’m stupid. Someone I can text or call just because I feel like it.
Or, the missing item could be my attention… I’ve been so focused on work and my time/monetary budget, that I haven’t really paid much attention to other things. Oh, my mom is getting a new car? Definitely didn’t know that was happening so soon. There are four blog post drafts on my wordpress dashboard? Yeah, uhh, haven’t had time to finish them yet. My friend has a job interview next week? Ok, will try to remember to pray for her and ask how it went. A friend wanted to plan lunch this week? Oops, forgot about that one. I have a stack of mail from the past week I haven’t opened? Umm, I’ll think about that tomorrow…. And the list goes on. I haven’t been focused on much other than myself this week and I apologize to anyone that has affected. I need my attention span back.
My energy might be another thing that’s been missing this week. I haven’t been motivated to do anything but work. I haven’t worked out, read for fun, cooked, cleaned, or washed the windows in my car which desperately need washing. Basically I get home from work around 9, heat up some leftovers, and go to bed. I’ve been getting more sleep than usual lately but I still feel so drained!
I don’t know what necessarily has been missing this week but I don’t like its absence. I don’t like feeling that something isn’t right, when I don’t know what it is. And I don’t like this feeling of wanting more when I can’t even handle what I have. Can anybody relate here?! My goal this weekend is to find out what it is that is missing in my life.
Sorry for my rambling on. It’s late and typing is therapeutic, and after a week like this one I need some serious therapy. Which might explain why I spent $15 on chai ingredients and dark chocolate at the grocery store tonight… whoops
Oh, and it’s crazy to think that a week ago I was a nervous wreck, (no pun intended) sitting in a makeshift room in the ED hoping the doctors could figure out what was wrong with my dad. A week ago. Golly how time flies.