Totally random post on this Saturday, but oh well.
Everyone wants to feel wanted in some way or another… like they are of value to someone.
I like to feel wanted at work- when my coworkers say that they need me to do something for them because they just don’t know how or don’t have the time. I like to feel wanted at home- when my parents need my help around the house, cleaning up, making dinner, or running errands. I like to feel wanted by my literacy student – when he tells me “thank you for your time and for teaching me, I am so thankful.” I like to feel wanted by my friends- when they desperately need some girl talk time, or want to do something fun.
The point of it all is that (as girls especially) we wanted to be wanted. It’s part of who we are inside. And whether we find ourselves being wanted by our father, friends, boyfriend, the Internet, God, or some other person/thing, we’re going to search until we have that void filled.
Lately I haven’t been feeling very wanted. Yeah, I warned you this post would be random. At work, there hasn’t been much for me to do, and therefore I feel like my presence is a waste. At home, I’ve been on my own a lot lately… for dinner, on weekends… my parents and brother always have their own plans (be it work or dates) and I haven’t really been needed around. Even at tutoring lately, my student hasn’t been as thankful as he has in the past… and I know he appreciates the fact that I’m teaching and helping him, but he hasn’t voiced that… and it makes me feel unwanted. And as for my friends… well, I haven’t been making a great effort lately to spend time with them so obviously that creates a void in our friendships, thus making me feel unimportant and not needed.
And here comes the area I’ve been most unwanted… relationships. Oh yes, I’m talking about the big bad dating world. I promise I’m not one of those girls who has to have a man in her life, but because I am single and not getting any younger, sometimes I feel like I need a man in my life… I need a relationship. Time and time I’m reminded again to wait on God’s timing and the man He has planned for me, but it’s so hard to wait on that in our society. On weekends (or even weekdays) when I go out to a restaurant, grocery store, even at UNC, I see couples everywhere… and although it’s cute it is kind of annoying. It just makes me want to fill that void even more! And because I’ve been feeling unwanted lately in different areas of my life, I keep wondering if I will ever be wanted for a relationship. Wahh Wahh, right?
Friday morning all of that unwantedness (I am a Linguist, I can make that word up) disappeared when at 6:15 (on my day off, mind you) I heard little puppy cries, my mom trying to corral him into his crate, and footsteps back and forth in the kitchen. I rolled out of bed, shoved my glasses on my sleepy face, slid on my worn out bedroom slippers, and trudged downstairs. “I’ll take him” I muttered to Mom, and I picked up this little ball of fluff and began to whisper sweet nothings into his ears, calming him down. I was needed by this puppy. He had only been in our house and lives for a mere 9 hours, and was still scared and timid and probably confused. He needed someone to love on him and cuddle him.
Let me just say that if having a puppy is anything like having a baby, I would make a horrible mother in some aspects… whenever he whimpers or cries, I go to pick him up. When he uses the bathroom, I praise him. When he picks up something and starts chewing it, I pull it out of his slobbery mouth. When he tries to jump off the couch, I block him and gently sit him down on the floor. Basically, he’s like my little baby already. And I don’t want him to get hurt or be in pain. One day in our family and I’m already smitten with Max. But I think it’s because he makes me feel wanted.
My Friday night was spent playing with him, feeding him, taking him outside, letting him chase me around the living room, cuddling with him on the couch while I read… this little pint-sized pup filled the void of emptiness… he made me feel wanted and needed, even if it is just because of survival needs.
So men, back off. Because for now I’ve got a little man in my life (besides Finnick) who needs me. 😉
And who is quite the snuggler 🙂