Reflection

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Today was an off-kilter day in the lifestyle of Meredith.

I slept late (7:30am) and didn’t go to work. I am thankful that my job allows me such flexibility.

Around 11:15am when I finally decided to put my contacts in, and change out of my Star Wars sweatpants (don’t judge), I stood in my room looking in the mirror. Honestly, there wasn’t anything impressive staring back… just a 21-year old female.

I stood longer, gazing into the eyes of my reflection, hoping to see something there, and realizing that I saw so much about myself… my inner self.  That probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone else out there besides me. (I’m weird, remember?) But have you ever really looked at your reflection? What did you see?

Today, I saw a girl who lives with her parents. Who works a job that is neither impressive, fun, nor invigorating. A girl who wishes she had more friends. A girl who is more materialistic than she would like to admit. A girl who sometimes gets mad over silly things. A girl who is totally imperfect, but tries to be more like the holy God she loves. A girl who wants to explore the world, but with her lame job, has no way of doing or funding that. A girl who spends too much money on food. A girl who has a heart for loving others and serving them the best she can, but occasionally finds herself not wanting to love the un-lovable. A girl who wishes she could fast-forward for five years, and end up married, living in a little house, with a growing family and fun job. A girl who tries to be spontaneous, but sometimes likes a plan. A girl who worries much too much about what other people think. A girl who sometimes over-analyzes. A girl who wants people to like her but sometimes doesn’t make an effort to get involved with people her age. A girl who’s hobbies could be classified as those of a grandma. A girl who wants to be adventurous but doesn’t want to be adventurous alone. A girl who wishes this world was a safer place, yet enjoys taking risks. A girl who has so much to share if only people would take the time to talk to her. A girl who needs help with budgeting money & time. A girl who wants to learn something new every day. A girl who isn’t always motivated to work out or study or have a quiet time, but feels so accomplished and fulfilled afterwards. A girl who sometimes fears the future and what it holds. A girl who wants to live outside her comfort zone, but needs guidance on how to leave that zone. A girl who struggles with being a good friend. A girl who is a nobody, but is loved by the King. A girl who doesn’t deserve anything, but has been blessed beyond measure. A girl who knows that God works all things together for her good.

I didn’t type this post up merely to make myself come across as some extremely miserable and self-loathing person. Quite the opposite in fact. By examining yourself in a mirror you see the true you… the you that only you know. And today for some reason, I saw that me. I saw things that not everyone sees when they look at me… personal things that not many people really ever take the time to see. I saw things that I was embarrassed about myself; things I want to improve upon to become a better person. Today may have been an off-kilter days in some ways, but in other ways I learned and accomplished more than I ever would have on a typical day. I took a good look at my reflection today. Maybe in a few weeks that reflection will have changed, even if in some minuscule way. Hopefully I’ll be a better disciple, friend, daughter, servant.

Dirty, broken mirror yet smiling reflection

 

 

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