On Belonging

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Imagine with me for a moment a really nice hotel.

The nicest one you can possibly imagine.

 

Bellhops waiting to help you. Huge glass doors with gold handles. Shiny floors that squeak under your sandals. Chandeliers everywhere. Big wooden desks with not-so-friendly staff behind them. Elevators, escalators, stairs. Comfy leather chairs and love seats down every hallway. Calming classical music coming from somewhere. Fancily clad patrons all around.

 

Then imagine a girl walking into this hotel. She is flustered, nervous, unsure of where to go, and loaded down with a bag on each shoulder, three grocery bags, and a lime green fleece blanket. I won’t even describe her shameful outfit but let’s just say she sticks out like a sore thumb. Her hair is a mess from the Florida wind, and her eyes are red and tired.

 

As she struggles to open the heavy glass doors, she feels eyes on her. Watching her every move. Eyes judging her for what she’s wearing and the crap load she’s carrying into this prestigious hotel.

 

How dare she bring groceries in here! This is the PEABODY for crying out loud! And look at her- walking right through the bar to get to the escalators. I cannot believe her. How rude! Someone ought to have taught her better and raised her right. No one comes into the Peabody looking like that, carrying all that rubbish in. 

 

Judging eyes follow her as she hastily tries to remember the quickest route to the 15th floor. Embarrassed, she takes the closest escape route- the escalators. Up two flights to the 4th floor. From there, she knows the way to the elevators. Thankfully no  one’s judging eyes are up here. But she still feels them. Burning into her back. She doesn’t belong here. No matter how hard she tries she doesn’t fit in and likely never will.

 

——

That was the course of events that just took place. Dad and I ran to the grocery store and against my will, he dropped me off at the front lobby. I don’t do well in new environments, situations, or upscale locales. Needless to say I felt so judged walking in and making it up to our room. Thankfully I made it. And the good news? Tomorrow is another day.

 

I’m currently running on two hours of sleep so my appearance isn’t what it normally is, and my countenance isn’t as cheerful as it usually is either. We drove from Durham to Orlando in 11 hours; left at midnight, arrived at 11:00ish after two short stops. My job was to keep Padre awake, so to do so I was either checking news stories and reading them outloud, or playing sudoku on the ipad. My eyes are heavy and hurt today, my head feels five times bigger than normal, and my upper body is all achy from lack of sleep. It’s no fun, really, but the excitement of a week in Florida makes it somewhat bearable 😉

 

Now that I’ve bored you silly with a crazy story about my self-esteem, and our trip down to FL, I’m going to bed. Blogging really is cathartic, and after a stressful and long day, I needed to let it all out!

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. – John 15:18-19

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