December 12: Nana’s Point of View

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Today is going to be a big day.

David and Meredith are coming to take me to my new home!

I don’t know where it’s at or how far away it is, but they’ve been talking about it for a while. David came by yesterday and told me to get my stuff packed up to take today with me. I am excited to see my new home!

I got dressed in one of my favorite outfits this morning. It’s comfortable and warm. I’ve been cleaning the kitchen. I don’t know why I bother though because it stays clean since I’m the only one who lives here. Maybe in my new home I will have more visitors and friends.

Oh look, there goes Daisy. That cat is so crazy. He’s coming with me today to my new home. I can’t leave him here alone. He doesn’t like other people or other cats. I sure love that cat.

They’re here!

Meredith helped me put my coat on even though I didn’t want it. She said it’s going to be cold outside since it’s December. I forgot all about Christmas… it’s only a few weeks away, right? I grab my cane to help me walk up the driveway. I move a lot slower nowadays than I used to.

We’re in the car riding around Durham now. David said he was going to take me by Fellowship Drive to see the old house. We lived in that house for years. I had teenagers when we lived there…no more Ross children running around the backyard. I was working hard during that time, too. I remember some of our neighbors… they had tennis courts. Oh look, they still do. That’s where David met Beverly years ago. I wonder if David remembers that summer…

They’re treating me to a burger from Hardee’s for lunch! I haven’t had a burger in so long. And fries….oh I shouldn’t eat these but they are so good and salty! That was a delicious lunch. I hardly ever get to eat out.

David tells me that we’re going to my new home now. I’m excited.

I remember this place. We visited last week. And the director woman, she is so friendly. I probably should explain to her why we are here.

“Hi. We’re just here for a visit. This is my handsome son and his beautiful daughter. I have the prettiest family members. We just came to see the place. I had Hardee’s. I hadn’t had a burger in the longest time. I used to have fresh meat when I was a little girl… Daddy had hogs and cows and chickens and boy… those were the days. But we’re just here for a visit.”

Then David and Tim and Meredith take me walking around a little bit. These hallways are long and confusing. This is a lot of walking; I’m not used to this. I don’t remember what we’re doing here. The pictures on the wall are so lovely though! I just love them. There’s one of a little boy. It looks old. And there’s one of a mountain! How lovely. Reminds me of the mountains in Wyoming when I visited George’s family before we had children. That was a good trip. 

We’re stopping at a room with a Santa Claus on the door. Oh look, there’s my name on the door.

Is this my room? Who is this woman in here? Where is all my stuff?

My sons said they had to go talk to the director again. Meredith will stay here with me. I wonder if she knows why we are here. And I wonder how this woman in my room felt when she had to come stay here. It’s obvious she lives here. Her stuff takes up half the room. I don’t want to live here. I’m going to ask her why she came.

 ”My daughter said it was the best thing for me so I came here to live.” was her answer.

I don’t understand why she would come here though. Doesn’t she have a home?  I know Meredith probably doesn’t know what’s going on either… they told me we were going to my new home! “I just don’t understand why they brought me here!”

Oh, the boys are back now. I’m gonna let them have it. I don’t know why this is happening. My sons did me wrong!

“You lied to me! You said I was going to my new home! This isn’t my new home! I want to go back. I don’t care what you say. I want to go home. I was so looking forward to moving into my new house. You tricked me. I want Daisy. Who is going to take Daisy? Are you going to bring him here? He can’t stay alone, he’ll die! He doesn’t like other cats. I just don’t understand. You lied to me. I want Daisy. Why did you do this?”

Now David is handing me a tissue box. I can’t stop crying. I’m so confused. I don’t know what is going on. I want to go home. David is explaining that the doctor ordered I come here. What does that old doctor know anyhow?! She gave me lots of medicine and I never take it. Or do I? I don’t remember. Is the medicine supposed to help me? I blame my sons for bringing me here. They want to get rid of me. I can’t stay here.

There’s some nurse at the door. She tells my family they need to go talk to the director. She tries to console me and explain that everything is going to be ok but I see my sons and granddaughter exit the room without saying goodbye and I cry even more. I can’t believe they are leaving me here! They better come back!

-45 minutes later-

There’s an announcement on the intercom saying that they have ice cream in the dining hall. I love ice cream! I guess I will go try to find the dining hall. Oh, never mind, this kind nurse will help me.

I get some ice cream and sit down at a table facing the door. Maybe I will see my family. They have to come back to get me.

Frank Sinatra is singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” on the radio… how I wish I were going home for Christmas. This isn’t my home.

The nurse asks me if I am enjoying the ice cream and music.

“I can’t enjoy Christmas music because my heart is broken.”

I sit there and finish my ice cream and ask to go back to my new room. This place isn’t my home.

I don’t remember what I’m doing here… where’s my family?

July 2011

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Finding Your Way « Find Your Way

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